Hari yang membosankan

Sejuk nye grrrrr......

Hari nih hari yang sangat membosankan... sangat panas... dan bercakap tentang panas teringat suasana masa kat nz dulu... yup miss nz! nz actually reminds me of a lot of things.... it was really menyedihkan when its time to leave malaysia.. always miss home.. tp bila dkt nz... i enjoy it...tempat with a very slow pace moving... nice people although kadang-kadang rasa offended gak... sbb all the pakeha's.. tgk kita mcm second class citizen.... oowh ye pakeha tu maksudnya the white people... but they respect malaysian.. sbb malaysian kurang buat hal skit... they hated chinese badly... sbb although chinese dah ramai sgt .. and asian nih macam dah conquer their economy.. anyway this not only happens in nz... it happend all arround the world.. for me... not only chinese can succed ... as long as u work hard... for sure... u'll get it... only thing yg kurang dgn org kita A.K.A MELAYU.. is Perasaan Hasad Dengki.... sbb tuh la bangsa lain pijak kita...

One Tree Hills , Maungakiekie Reserve.

it used to have trees next to it.. but there was a couple of maori's yg agak ngokngek nih.. pegi tebang...sbb statue tuh betul2 atas bukit

melambangkan perjanjian Sir John Logan Cambell dgn the origins (Maori)

only statue left.. ade hill, but nomore tree...

By the way, back to the nz story.. i really miss walking at the park.. Jellicoe Park to be exact... belakang umah aku jer.. and a stroll around One Tree Hill Maungakiekie ...... cantik sgt view.

This was once I called a Home Sweet Home, 3-106A, Selwyn Street, Onehunga, 1006 Auckland

I use tuh live in Selwyn Street, Onehunga... tempat yg sgt menyeronokkan... jiran2 yg baik n caring..... tempat yg sgt sunyi.... dan sgt seronok utk melepakkan diri... atau tido...

Pak n Save is the best place to shop....

Usually hujung minggu mcm nih.. aku n hubby selalu kerja.. kitorang work with service.. jd cuti weekdays.... n usually on cuti weekdays nih.. selalu pg jalan ke papatoetoe.. utk beli halal meats... n then jalan dkt hunters corners plaza... jumpa dgn bekah... bekah is my partner in crime... love her to bits... then.. shopping dkt Pak n Save Sylvia park.... masuk kedai $1,2 Store... beli mcm2....

DressSmart... just around our corner..

Then we get home... and watch tv ... bila bosan... pinjam dvd dkt.. video ezy.... , Blockbusters... bila time gaji.. Dressmart adalah tempat yg paling seronok utk dituju.... dressmart is only 10 minutes walk dr rumah... dressmart is a factory outlet... byk sgt baju2.. factory, end season... cheap bargains... love it!
Terkenang keseronokan dkt Onehunga yg tak dpt aku lupakan sampai bila2..... you can take anything.. but u can't take my memories away..

Miss Auckland...... Heart New Zealand

Desperate

Desperate times, calling for desperate measures...


ok, at the time being.... im not sure why i have this thing going thru my mind... " im too fat for me" ... kenapa tuh tak tahu la.. tp i really am desperate to lose weight i'd do anything to lose 15kilos..... and im not kidding...

watching too much television has actually created a monster in me... i needed some fix... i've tried all the required action to actually being thinner.. and look thinner..... body suits(how many times have i gone there??).. slimming pills ..( i've tried everything, but nothing seems to be working... its works for couple of weeks than it started being a vitamin that actualy increased my desire for food)... sauna... ( its a stupid invention it actually makes u sweat and dehydrates you and.. then.. when u drink... u put the weight back on. Such a waste of time and energy!)

I feel really dissapointed and envy those people who still wore their skinny jeeeeeans! waist 28 and wears a size M shirt and still looked baggy in it!!

To be quite fair I was quite thin when I was single... I was once wearing a size S.. or a size 4(nz size, missed nz now!) But since I got married and being depressed( marriage actually comes with a pack depression, anxiety, frustration and lust.. not too mention it actually eats you inside and out!) the weight puts on.. and thats when u really lost yourself, yourself confidence and you lose your life and you lose you.. and yup u know its true.... But i never once regretted of being married, i should have known from the very start that I , me needed to take control of the situation... and live a better and healthy lifestyle... Eating Healthy...

When you are already fat... or chubby or whatever.... its really hard to lose weight... there's like a demon inside of you telling you that u want to eat this and that... your constant desire of food.. and your frustration is when people telling that u put on weights.. and it sparks a desire to lose the weight... well it only lasts for couple of days.. then you crave of this and that.. and drawn back to the old habits....

Thats is exactly whats happening to me... I try to lose some weight.. it never really works.... i starve myself to death if i may... but.. too bad i dont have that courages... maybe all these demons talk is just a way to really sees the real problem... that i actually in vain.. and denial.. to accept the lost that i mourn... so i started putting all these crazy ideas into my head...just to put the loads off my mind...

lend me some hands... im drowning...

Love Story- Taylor Swift

Love Story lyrics

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;

We were both young when

I first saw you

I close my eyes

And the flashback starts

I'm standing there

On a balcony in summer air

See the lights

See the party, the ball gowns

I see you make your way through the crowd

And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles

And my daddy said stay away from Juliet

And I was crying on the staircase

Begging you please don't go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes

Escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter

And my daddy said stay away from Juliet

But you were everything to me

I was begging you please don't go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult, but it's real

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess

It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh oh I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever coming around

My faith in you is fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet

You'll never have to be alone

I love you and that's all I really know

I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress

It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh'

Cause we were both young when I first saw you

I am so in love with the song...

I am still mourning

I dont know why sampai sekarang nih... i am still mourning for the lost .. masa tumpah darah tuh.. although deep down bersyukur dengan hikmah allah taa'la berikan to be strong and courages till now... perasaan sedih tuh tetap tak dpt dibendung... setiap kali teringat mesti bercucuran air mata....
Yes, allah lebih tahu ...dgn kehilang itu, jugak.. people that i loved really showed me that they cares... walaupun ade bunyi-bunyi sumbang dari beberapa sudut yang kurang sedap di dengar... i overcome it...
hubby? not so much... dia mcm tak bleh terima kenyataan.. n he was upset... but now... we're fine... i guess... atleast we realise that we mourn for the losses...
i keep telling myself "pull yourself together , will ya"..... its hard,... dan kesakitannya.. tuhan saja yg tahu... lepas tumpah darah tuh kerap sgt sakit pinggang... perut pedih mencucuk-cucuk,...
But it's time to move on...
Life's not always be on your side... and
never consider yourself so lucky,..
b'cos ..
Tommorow.... you may never know..
let it unfold...

... i mourn for your losts.....

My birthday

My birthday or so call the day i was born made no difference than any other day, although hari nih 27th may .. adalah hari yg paling bersejarah utk mak n ayah aku.. as aku the first born.. after a long wait of three years.. alhamdulilah... and thanks to them i grown to be a fine woman although there is up's and down's in our family relationships that nobody wants to know about...

i cherish every moment of being alive and brought up in an environment where i have anything that i could have asked for (not all the riches and stuff, u know what i mean)...



I have learnt alot thru the journey of being 24... and the number is not quite nice... im getting older by the minute...



Thanks to all those people especially mama n ayah early in the morning dah anta sms thru skype wishing happy birthday and say "dont forget us when u're having cakes" ( i didn't have any mum, im so broke... sigh..) and thanks to hubby.. the earliest one to wish in bed at 12 sharp...

again thanks to sista.... where is my cake??? and cousins and friend who still remembers....



Thank u all...

Redha

Last few days, drowsy sgt.. htne baper hari tak dtg kedai... dah mual2... muntah2.... then check... jeng. jeng jeng.... dah positif.. tp...Selasa.. fell dkt bilik air... segumpalan darah tumpah... byk sgt...and there you go.... Allah lebih tahu.. dan aku redha...